Setting Goals
We often begin a new venture by setting a goal and then trying to achieve it. My goal, for example, is to disseminate useful information to women of all ages about relevant psychological issues.
I began by publishing a newsletter (MyFamilyCoach Newsletter) last fall and happily received lots of positive reactions to it. I have fallen behind, however, in my commitment to publish the newsletter on a bimonthly basis. I've just posted the March issue (note bloggers - it's now May). Therefore, at the suggestion of a good web coach (girlgeekwebdesign.com), I'm turning to blogs. It's a great idea because, in doing so, I will be able to answer questions in print that are presented to me almost daily by my coaching and therapy clients. At the same time, I will be able to write down my thoughts about issues that I feel are important to me as well as to other women.
The Take-Home Lesson: When we can't achieve the entire goal, we can look for ways to achieve part of it. This smaller achievement is not only equally satisfying but may also lead to new, unforeseen ventures.
Have you had similar experiences? Feel free to comment by clicking on "comments" below.
Have you had similar experiences? Feel free to comment by clicking on "comments" below.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
3:37 PM
12 Comments:
Comments are public. You can communicate your private comments by emailing me at drmona@myfamilycoach.com. Thanks for your interest!
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, May 23, 2005
I usually set alot of goals for myself,and if I don't achieve the goal I feel bad about myself. I never thought of telling myself, okay, I didn't achieve the whole goal, but at least I'm trying and achieved part of the goal. It is important to see the cup half full instead of half empty! I am always very self critical.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, May 23, 2005
Dear Shindy,
As you insightfully pointed out, focusing on the part of the cup that's half-empty lowers one's self-esteem. You can champion yourself and also motivate yourself to keep moving towards your goal by focusing on the positive ("I achieved this much") instead of the negative ("I didn't do what I wanted to do"). Keep practicing. It takes time to develop new habits! Let us know how you do.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, May 23, 2005
My daughter is turning 14,yet I notice that she often does not wash her hands after she uses the bathroom. She is very sensitive and hard to communicate with. What do you suggest?
By
Anonymous, at Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Thank you for the wonderful newsletters you send out! I have a question regarding the May issue. You wrote:
Dessert should not be used as a reward for eating behavior, either in terms of what was consumed or how it was consumed. If you serve dessert as a regular part of your daily meal, don’t withhold it from one child and give it to another.
My question is - Why not?
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Dear Shindy,
You bring up a very important concern on the part of parents: How do we encourage our children to develop healthy habits? What do we do when they resist our attempts?
In general,we try to teach, encourage and motivate our children to develop healthy habits pertaining to their bodies.
When a child is young, we establish the rules and reward the appropriate behavior. As a child gets older we withdraw our presence, so to speak, and allow the child to take control of his or her own body.
By the time a child reaches adolescence, these behaviors are totally within a child's domain. Any attempt on our part to intervene is seen as intrusive.
Therefore, I would suggest that you model the appropriate behavior and instead focus on the bigger picture; i.e., strategies of communicating with a sensitive teen.
Good luck!
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Dear Miriam,
Thanks for the kudos on the Newsletter!
There seems to be two parts to your question: 1)Should desserts be used as a bribe? and 2)Why not give it to the child that deserves it?
To answer #1, one needs to examine the underlying concept behind meals. As I stressed in my articles, meals provide emotional as well as physical nutrients. To deprive a child of an expected part of the meal may erase the emotional nutrients acquired during the rest of the meal. Instead, structure the meal so that everyone sitting at the table receives the same food.
In addition, #2 highlights the impact of singling out one child on the relationships among all the siblings. Sibling rivalry is always present, to a greater or lesser degree. Our actions can therefore minimize or aggravate the natural competitiveness among the children. I can devote an entire issue of the MyFamilyCoach Newsletter to the topic of sibling relations alone.
All the best,
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Sunday, June 05, 2005
Any thoughts about kids driving the car? I am petrified! What are appropriate guidlines?
By
Anonymous, at Friday, June 17, 2005
Dear Nervous Mom,
You are not alone in your fears about your teenager driving a car. According to the Automobile Club of NY, "A recent survey sponsored by the Chrysler automotive division found that parents of 15- to 18-year-olds worry more about their teens' driving safety than about their possible abuse of drugs or alcohol."
NY State revised the driving rules so that there's a minimum amount of time and instruction that a new driver must have before driving independently. But you, as the parent, still have an enormous role to play, as "teacher, disciplinarian, and role model."
How? First of all, stress the importance of being focused on the task of driving without any distractions. Thus you can prohibit the use of a cell phone, even with a headset, while driving. Many parents also prohibit teenage passengers unless an adult is present.
Secondly, provide as much supervised driving practice as possible, both during the day and at night, in a variety of weather conditions. Enroll your child in a drivers' education course or a licensed driving school. Don't feel pressured to allow your child to drive sooner than you think he or she is ready, both in terms of skill and sense of responsibility.
You can also feel comfortable setting rules and restrictions even after your child obtains a driver's license. This may pertain to where a child may and may not drive, with whom, and on what types of roads. Try to talk with your child about your guidelines for driving so that your underlying reasons are well understood.
The bottom-line: Model good driving practices and teach your child not to take chances on the road.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, June 20, 2005
I think this blog is great. This way everyone can benefit from everyone else's questions.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, June 27, 2005
My teenager does not obey kitchen kashrus if it isn't convenient, for example, warming meat in a milchig microwave, putting hot fleishig on milchig counter or table. I would like to give some sort of effective punnishment, as this has happened quite a few times. Any suggestions?
By
Anonymous, at Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Dear Upset Mom,
Of course you're upset! Your teenager seems to dismiss the house rules. Would you allow any other member of your family to do the same?
It seems to me that "kitchen privileges" (i.e., independence in the kitchen) depend on a child's level of responsibility. If that child can be trusted in the kitchen, neither to hurt himself nor herself nor inflict damage on kitchen appliances, then that child can gain kitchen privileges.
Otherwise, there needs to be a different understanding of the child's level of functioning and concomitant privileges. Some parents will draw up a written contract with their teen. It can be a useful tool, if it is negotiated with respect and with the proper follow-up.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Wednesday, July 27, 2005
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