The Prevalence of Negative Parenting

I wait on line at the Costco optical counter and watch the following scene unfold:

The woman next to me seems harassed and tired. She turns to the little girl and says, "Sit down in the cart." The girl sits.

The mother now looks impatiently at the store clerk, who is talking on the telephone. Meanwhile, the little girl stands up again in the empty shopping cart. "I told you to sit down!" says her mother. Again, the child sits.

Finally, the clerk turns to the mother, who proceeds to ask about insurance coverage for contact lenses. This conversation takes several minutes. The inquisitive child now stands up in the cart and looks over the counter. You can guess what happens next.

I am not questioning the mother's actions here in order to attribute blame. Rather, I am struck by the consistency of the pattern being played out before me. The parent pays attention each time her daughter misbehaves, negatively reinforcing that behavior and virtually guaranteeing it would recur.

The mother, in this instance, is neither in the right place nor the right time to examine what's going on between her and her child. On the other hand, it would be nice if she could observe these interactions at home. She might realize that there is another way.

I am truly impressed and admiring of parents who are able to stand outside themselves and choose a more effective style of parenting.