The High Cost of Entitlement
People of my generation frequently ask, "What's wrong with the children today?" I remember our parents asking the same question about our behavior, usually in reference to lack of respectful behavior.
There is a greater cause of concern.
Children today, many parents observe, feel "entitled" to whatever they receive; they neither appear grateful nor exhibit the desire to earn what they get.
Psychological entitlement is a problem not only at home but in the workplace. When an adult feels entitled to a pay raise, a bonus, or promotion that he does not receive he will get angry at his supervisor for not bestowing on him what he thinks he deserves. Similarly, if a child feels he's "entitled" to play on the computer, talk on the phone or own an ipod, he might throw a major tantrum when he doesn't get what he sees as a right rather than a privilege.
We live in an age of entitlements, from the CEO down. It goes hand in hand with the fact that major depression is the No.1 psychological disorder in the western world.
This is how: When we don't get what we want, we have two choices - blame someone else and get angry at them, or look at ourselves and see what needs to be changed. The first is a dead-end, leading to emotional distress, depression and psychological paralysis. The second thinking pattern leads to less distress - e.g.,disappointment and regret - as well as a call to action.
A person who feels entitled waits for others to do the work. He sits back on his throne of righteousness and, when the gifts don't materialize, wages war.
In contrast, one who understands that his job is to do, to act, to give will not wait for the resultant reward because he knows that he is not in charge of the outcome, only the effort. He is resourceful, determined and resilient; when one avenue is blocked, he looks for another one. In this way, he gives to society and feels energized by his actions.
Many people are suffering in this economic downturn. Those who cope best will be the ones who are using their time and energy productively. They will model for their children - not a sense of entitlement - but an ability to deal with the impediments in life.
There is a greater cause of concern.
Children today, many parents observe, feel "entitled" to whatever they receive; they neither appear grateful nor exhibit the desire to earn what they get.
Psychological entitlement is a problem not only at home but in the workplace. When an adult feels entitled to a pay raise, a bonus, or promotion that he does not receive he will get angry at his supervisor for not bestowing on him what he thinks he deserves. Similarly, if a child feels he's "entitled" to play on the computer, talk on the phone or own an ipod, he might throw a major tantrum when he doesn't get what he sees as a right rather than a privilege.
We live in an age of entitlements, from the CEO down. It goes hand in hand with the fact that major depression is the No.1 psychological disorder in the western world.
This is how: When we don't get what we want, we have two choices - blame someone else and get angry at them, or look at ourselves and see what needs to be changed. The first is a dead-end, leading to emotional distress, depression and psychological paralysis. The second thinking pattern leads to less distress - e.g.,disappointment and regret - as well as a call to action.
A person who feels entitled waits for others to do the work. He sits back on his throne of righteousness and, when the gifts don't materialize, wages war.
In contrast, one who understands that his job is to do, to act, to give will not wait for the resultant reward because he knows that he is not in charge of the outcome, only the effort. He is resourceful, determined and resilient; when one avenue is blocked, he looks for another one. In this way, he gives to society and feels energized by his actions.
Many people are suffering in this economic downturn. Those who cope best will be the ones who are using their time and energy productively. They will model for their children - not a sense of entitlement - but an ability to deal with the impediments in life.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
1:11 PM
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