Blame the Spouse

The easiest strategy for a therapist who listens to complaints about a marriage is to agree that it's the spouse's fault.

In a society that focuses on an individual's inaliable right to happiness, we assume that someone else is to blame if we're not happy.

So "he doesn't know how to express love," "she's always criticizing me," "he doesn't spend time with the children," and "she's constantly yelling at them." The list is endless when we begin to enumerate our partner's sins.

And if we do so to a supportive, empathic therapist, we will conveniently focus on the limits rather than the benefits of our marriage. The marital relationship becomes the albatross around one's neck and - choking with rage and pain - we become desperate to break free!

Ah, freedom. How wonderful that word sounds. The freedom to be me, unencumbered by responsibility towards my spouse or children. I can start all over again; look for someone better, more good-looking, finer and - of course - younger. Why shouldn't I leave? It's my life, isn't it?

Yes, how inviting it all sounds. Fulfillment and gratification without pain.

As long as you pay the therapy bill.