Mother-in-Law Meddling

I just spent two weeks with my daughter, son-in-law and their two children. How we got along is the content of many books, movies and plays.

Before I arrived I heard that the kids were counting the days until my arrival.
"What about the parents?" I wondered. I decided not to ask them.

Then came the day of my arrival. My children's greeting was wonderful: "Hi, Mom! It's great to see you! We're so happy you came!" The grandchildren smiled shyly at first, then danced with me in joy.

It felt great to lend a hand, to play with the little ones and to watch the family in action. Eventually, however - given the extended period of my stay - I stepped out of the role of observer and became an actor in the play.

I put myself on stage.

One time, when the little ones were having a major meltdown, I asked my son-in-law, "Would you like some advice?" "No!" he responded curtly. I quickly retreated to my room and out of the line of fire.

Another time, I casually described some child-raising technique (a poorly disguised means of giving advice) and received polite, cold silence.

I had transgressed the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not give advice.

The critics in the audience were having a field day with my performance.

Why couldn't I stay on the sidelines? What pulled me into the fray?

I think of a salad I've finished making and I'm tasting it, deciding what ingredients, if any, should be added to the mix. Does it need more sugar? Or maybe a little salt or vinegar? What will make it just perfect?

I have a hard time leaving good enough alone.

But I'm happy that I stayed long enough to recognize that in the same way that one may step over the line, one can retreat; that having a relationship means one can say, "I'm sorry" and move on.

Next time I get together with my children and theirs, I hope I'll remember that I can sit back and enjoy the play. I'm no longer needed on stage.