Selective Memory: Do you recall the good or bad?

Many marriages flounder on the shoals of Selective Memory.

During periods of smooth sailing, we forget that there are sand bars beneath the surface that are exposed only when the ocean is at low tide. We think that we can sit back and allow the boat to cruise on its own.

So, too, we may neglect our marriages when we are busy with work and child-care. We say that we have "no time" for each other, expecting the Ship of Marriage to sail along its course without our input.

But as night follows day, so do the tides have their own rhythm.

The sand bar will be exposed. And if we don't want to run aground we need to develop the skills to steer clear of them or, if not possible, to learn how to back off and resume our journey.

Unfortunately, many times we get stuck and do not know how to get unstuck. We go round and round in the whirlpool of recrimination and blame, rather than stop and look for a way out.

At times like these, our Selective Memory could work against us. We may remember only the painful times, forgetting the days of clear sailing. We don't realize that competent seafarers experience pain as well as joy.

Successful couples remember the good times more than the bad. Follow their lead so that you can reach the end of your journey together, no matter what you encounter along the way.