Eating Issues with Young Children
Battles over eating can begin at a very young age.
I remember my mother becoming so frustrated with one of us that a plate of scrambled eggs ended up over her child's head! That child was obviously what we'd call a "terrible eater;" the bane of a mother's existence.
What greater pleasure is there than seeing one's child gobble up the food that you made? What yields greater frustration and anxiety than watching a child refuse your meal day after day? "How will my child grow?" you ask yourself. "How can I make that child eat?"
The answer is, we can't. We can't force food into our children, any more than we can force them to sleep or use the toilet if they don't wish.
Thus I truly believe that a child's eating is a problem for the parent, not the child. It becomes a child's problem when it interferes with the parent-child relationship or with the child's health.
Let me explain.
Children, like all living beings, are born with the need for food, initially in liquid form and then solids. It is their natural drive and they will pursue that drive unless we interfere with it.
We don't intentionally interfere with a child's eating behavior, but it may happen very subtly. We may confuse their need for sleep with their need for food, and so feed them when they're tired or fussy. Food may become the solution for all physiological wants and the child, as well as the parent, loses the ability to differentiate among them.
So step #1 is to accurately diagnose the problem: What does my child need? Am I feeding her just to keep her quiet or prevent a tantrum? Am I giving him a second supper because he's screaming that he's hungry and can't fall asleep?
Every action that we take reinforces the behavior that it follows. So if you feed a tired, screaming child you will reinforce the resistance to going to sleep on subsequent nights as well. If you enable a child to snack in-between meals, you reinforce snacking as opposed to meal-eating. Lastly, if you reinforce "finicky" eating, that child becomes a finicky eater.
One of the most difficult jobs a parent has is to say "no" in the face of a child screaming "Help!" But it's our job to say no when we are creating or abetting a harmful habit and yes to healthy habits.
It's all a matter of asserting yourself - no easy task - in order to be consistent with the values of your home.
Good luck!
I remember my mother becoming so frustrated with one of us that a plate of scrambled eggs ended up over her child's head! That child was obviously what we'd call a "terrible eater;" the bane of a mother's existence.
What greater pleasure is there than seeing one's child gobble up the food that you made? What yields greater frustration and anxiety than watching a child refuse your meal day after day? "How will my child grow?" you ask yourself. "How can I make that child eat?"
The answer is, we can't. We can't force food into our children, any more than we can force them to sleep or use the toilet if they don't wish.
Thus I truly believe that a child's eating is a problem for the parent, not the child. It becomes a child's problem when it interferes with the parent-child relationship or with the child's health.
Let me explain.
Children, like all living beings, are born with the need for food, initially in liquid form and then solids. It is their natural drive and they will pursue that drive unless we interfere with it.
We don't intentionally interfere with a child's eating behavior, but it may happen very subtly. We may confuse their need for sleep with their need for food, and so feed them when they're tired or fussy. Food may become the solution for all physiological wants and the child, as well as the parent, loses the ability to differentiate among them.
So step #1 is to accurately diagnose the problem: What does my child need? Am I feeding her just to keep her quiet or prevent a tantrum? Am I giving him a second supper because he's screaming that he's hungry and can't fall asleep?
Every action that we take reinforces the behavior that it follows. So if you feed a tired, screaming child you will reinforce the resistance to going to sleep on subsequent nights as well. If you enable a child to snack in-between meals, you reinforce snacking as opposed to meal-eating. Lastly, if you reinforce "finicky" eating, that child becomes a finicky eater.
One of the most difficult jobs a parent has is to say "no" in the face of a child screaming "Help!" But it's our job to say no when we are creating or abetting a harmful habit and yes to healthy habits.
It's all a matter of asserting yourself - no easy task - in order to be consistent with the values of your home.
Good luck!
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
11:15 AM
5 Comments:
How do I assist my 2.5 year old in dealing with a stubborn candy "addiction"?
By
Anonymous, at Monday, January 05, 2009
When it comes to food, we don’t have control over our children’s eating but we do have the ability to limit their access to unhealthy sweets. Sweets in particular are highly desirable and, once we open the door to them, it’s hard to say, ‘No.’ I’m a big believer in substitution (see my previous blog on nutrition). In this case, the red light/green light approach might work well (note that there is no yellow light). Red = we do not buy candy at certain places, times, or even not at all if necessary (which means removing it from the house). There is no deviation from this rule, once it’s set for the whole family. Green = we substitute incentives and rewards, given immediately and then gradually extending the time. Other foods may work but they also remind the child of the sweet not given. I’d probably try a non-food substitute, if the child is not hungry.
Also, it’s important to really be emotionally positive (i.e., excited) when you offer that substitute; and firm, but emotionally neutral, when you refuse the candy.
Expect tantrums and opposition, which will be short-lived if you are consistent across time and between the parents. Again, inconsistency will prolong the suffering on both sides.
Important: These suggestions are based on a limited amount of information, are not meant to be thorough or complete, and are suggested only for informational and/or educational purposes. You are solely responsible for any decisions that you make, and my recommendations do not substitute for therapy, counseling or any other type of professional advice.
Readers may address their questions to me through the "Ask Dr. Spiegel" button on the Home Page of my website.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, January 05, 2009
Thank you - I really enjoy hearing what you have to say!
By
Anonymous, at Monday, January 05, 2009
An interesting postscript comes from a Danish study of 8,900 children, on the sense of taste of children and young people and what they like to eat.
Among the findings: "Children and young people love fish and do not think of themselves as being fussy eaters."
*http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/133404.php
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, January 05, 2009
I've learned "when supper is over it's over." I don't know if it helps the kids, but it certainly helps me with my guilty feelings if they tell me they're hungry later on (usually at bedtime).
By
Anonymous, at Tuesday, January 06, 2009
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