Want to feel free? Say, "No!"

One of the questions that I ask children is what they wish for. Sometimes they will respond with a object (a new toy) or privilege (stay up as late as I want). Very often they'll say a variation of "I want to be able to do whatever I want, just like the grownups."

It is ironic for adults to hear this response because we often feel so strapped by obligations and responsibilities that "doing what we want" doesn't seem to enter the picture!

Indeed a good part of my work is helping women get in touch with what they truly want and then how to achieve it without upending their whole life.

The first step is learning how to say, "No."

Mommy, can I stay up until Daddy comes home, please?

Mom, I need a notebook for school tomorrow. Can you take me to the store before it closes?

Mom, Judy's having a sleep-over tomorrow night and I can't go without a present.

Mom, Josh & I would like to get away for the day. I know that you're off from work next Tuesday; can we bring you the kids?

It gets harder and harder to refuse the kids, even after they've left the house. In fact, I have a placard in front of my desk that reads, "Just when a woman thinks her work is done she becomes a Grandmother."

The joys bring the work; it's the price (even if welcome) that we pay.

It's important, however, to learn how to say, "No," without guilt or frustration. Being able to set limits is as crucial for oneself as for one's children, of all ages.

I have another picture in front of my desk. It shows a Sandal House, a car, and an older woman reclining in the sun. It reads, "After the kids grew up, the old lady sold the shoe and bought a summer home."