Teens See Parental Hypocrisy

Sherry Turkle, a psychologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, studied texting among teenagers in the Boston area. As described in the NY Times, "Teens feel they are being punished for behavior in which their parents indulge,” she said.

Parents berate their teenagers for texting at all hours of the day and night. Yet how often do we multitask in front of them? We forget that children learn what they live when we talk on the cellphone while driving our children to their various activities.

Furthermore, as Dr. Turkle points out, teens - like all our children - want our undivided attention. Teenagers text an average of 3,500 messages a week, but "when they walk out of their ballet lesson, they’re upset to see their dad in the car on the BlackBerry. The fantasy of every adolescent is that the parent is there, waiting, expectant, completely there for them.”

So be careful not to ask your children to fight an addiction of which you are a victim, too. If you want to develop a relationship with them, do the unthinkable and at crucial times of the day shut off your cellphone, computer and blackberry. Use Caller ID to screen your telephone calls and let your answering machine pick up any but the most essential.

But “my teen doesn’t talk to me!” you exclaim. True, your child may not say anything in the moment and you are not required to maintain a boring silence. There’s a difference, however, between being engrossed in a conversation with another person and listening to a CD or radio station that can be easily shut off.

Your teen, unlike your toddler, may have the self-control to refrain from interrupting you. But that doesn’t mean your older child feels any less frustrated than your younger one at being ignored.

Remember: Your teen is your baby. Don’t waste the few years left that your child is still living at home. Be available. Let your child know that - within reasonable limits - you’re happy to be on call.