Sibling Rivalry 2. Jealousy

We can't eradicate the jealousy that stems from having siblings. It existed from the beginning of time and will continue to do so as long as there is more than one child in a family.

We can, however, try to minimize the rivalry among our children by:

• Setting rules about behavior, such as what I described in my previous blog.

• Giving incentives and consequences. One nice incentive is a "good deed" jar which gets filled each time a child manifests a positive social behavior to a sibling. When it's filled, everyone gets the prize. It's nice because it's collaborative and the children see concrete progress towards the goal.

• Structuring the situation - planning who does what when - until they're able to handle more freedom without fighting.

• Stopping a fight and, if the protagonists are sufficiently calm, modeling 1) verbal expression of emotions by saying, for example, "You seem bored" or "you're hungry, let's go eat;" and 2) problem-solving: "What's the problem here? You both seem to want... " Then brainstorm with them different ideas, even silly ones, to help them think more broadly. Verbalizing needs and wants is crucial to problem-solving and emotional maturity; ironically, sibling rivalry provides many teachable moments.

You can learn more about sibling rivalry at Siblings Are Forever: Strategies to Minimize Rivalry.