Using Guilt Productively

Guilt has gotten a bad rap.

It seems like the whole therapy industry has been built on the premise that we need to eradicate guilt.

Guilt interferes with happiness, we're told. Feelings of guilt stem from anger and lead to depression, states the theory. Guilt is the boogie-man waiting in the wings.

Mothers, especially Jewish ones, are accused of inducing destructive guilt in their children.

Adult children in turn spend years in therapy, accusing parents of manifold offenses that exacerbate already painful parental guilt over past mistakes (that send the children to therapy in the first place!)

Caregivers, therapists, teachers, physicians and anyone who cares also feel guilty for not doing enough, not being there, not preventing what they could not foresee.

Guilt, my friends, is a two-faced Janus. Facing backward, we see what could have been. It is a dark picture, filled with pain and regret, grief and longing.

Turning around and facing forward, we look at what has been missing. We no longer run away from the pain of guilt but use it as a rod that guides us toward the fulfillment of an unspoken need.

Which way do you face?