The Difficulty of Receiving

For many people, there is one thing harder than giving a gift and that is receiving it!

I have one relative who could not accept a gift without saying, "Oh, I really don't need that," and then ask me to return it. Well, isn't that the point of a gift anyway, to buy something the person does not need, but may enjoy?

This unnamed relative was not trying to hurt my feelings, which of course were very hurt. Rather, I believe that the person did not know how to receive, but only knew how to give.

What kinds of feelings would prevent one from feeling happy about receiving a gift?

The first one may be the feeling of indebtedness to the gift-giver (the Giver). I might think the following: Now that you have given me (the Receiver) a gift, I am in your debt and I owe you one, also. If not a gift, at the very least I have to be nice to you whether I want to or not! Or, if you ask me for a favor, I am now required to do it.

Of course the Giver does not mean to engender a feeling of indebtedness. But the Receiver now senses an imbalance in their relationship.

Furthermore, the Receiver may now experience tremendous guilt, as follows: It is so wonderful of you to give me a gift, and I didn't even think of giving you one! I should have thought of it. Maybe there are other people to whom I should be giving gifts; I had better sit down and start making a list of "shoulds."

Lastly, the Receiver may have an inherent low self-esteem. In this instance, the thinking becomes circular: Oh, I don't deserve this gift. I'm not such a good friend. I didn't give one. I must be really selfish. I can't accept this gift! I'll refuse it and show that I am totally selfless.

Oh, the morass into which we fall when we receive a gift! How can we avoid this trap?

To put it simply, say, "Thank you," feel loved and know that you deserve it.