A Small Gesture
As I approached the repair shop I saw the owner standing in the doorway looking out ("at the snow?" I wondered). When I gestured that his place was my destination he immediately welcomed me inside. I picked up my repair, we had a small chat and I left.
As I was driving away I noticed that the owner was walking outside without a jacket - to me, a sign of a person in a rush, possibly thinking of someone else and not himself - up the driveway that led out of the shopping center. I followed him in my car and saw him go up to a child who was waiting there.
The shop owner put his arm around his son's shoulder and they both proceeded to look for, I assumed, the school bus.
What impressed me the most was the father's arm on his child's shoulder. It was a small gesture, of course, but how many times are we too worried or engrossed in our own thoughts to reach out and touch our children?
I believe that we are a touch-deprived society. In this era of abuse, where touch has become all-too-often invasive and hurtful, we have forgotten about the importance of the loving gesture that connects all people.
In a famous series of experiments by Harry Harlow in the 1950's & 60's, baby rhesus monkeys chose cloth "monkeys" over wire ones, even though the latter provided them with milk (See Wikipedia for a full description of Harlow and his experiments). These experiments demonstrated that children, like their animal counterparts, will sacrifice everything - parental approval, food and health - to gain a parent's love.
Try to touch each of your children today, even the teen. You will find that a small gesture yields huge dividends.
As I was driving away I noticed that the owner was walking outside without a jacket - to me, a sign of a person in a rush, possibly thinking of someone else and not himself - up the driveway that led out of the shopping center. I followed him in my car and saw him go up to a child who was waiting there.
The shop owner put his arm around his son's shoulder and they both proceeded to look for, I assumed, the school bus.
What impressed me the most was the father's arm on his child's shoulder. It was a small gesture, of course, but how many times are we too worried or engrossed in our own thoughts to reach out and touch our children?
I believe that we are a touch-deprived society. In this era of abuse, where touch has become all-too-often invasive and hurtful, we have forgotten about the importance of the loving gesture that connects all people.
In a famous series of experiments by Harry Harlow in the 1950's & 60's, baby rhesus monkeys chose cloth "monkeys" over wire ones, even though the latter provided them with milk (See Wikipedia for a full description of Harlow and his experiments). These experiments demonstrated that children, like their animal counterparts, will sacrifice everything - parental approval, food and health - to gain a parent's love.
Try to touch each of your children today, even the teen. You will find that a small gesture yields huge dividends.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
4:22 PM
3 Comments:
I have recently realized your point about touching on my own-- i have begun going out of my way to physically greet the kids every day when I come home from work- sitting with one of them (or both!)on my lap for a few minutes right when I get home makes them feel so good. Even though there are a thousand other things I want to do at that moment, the "payoff" for this small investment seems too good to resist.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, January 19, 2009
My father never kissed or hugged his children, that was just the way he was. When I got married, we once slept over by my in laws, and we slept in my husbands old bed room. In his room still stood his old cozy arm chair, where he used to sit and read. So he sat in his old chair and invited me to sit on his lap. I don't know why, but as I sat on his lap, the tears just started to stream down my cheeks. I realized how deprived I was of a father's warm hugs and cuddles. It just felt so nice to just sit on his lap and feel like a loved person.
I try my best to show my kids some affection by writing little notes and smiley faces and yes, by little hugs and kisses, even though it does not come naturally to me because I was not raised that way.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, January 19, 2009
Thank you all for sharing your memories and your feelings as parents. Your children and their children after them will benefit from your acts of love.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, January 19, 2009
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