How did I become an "At Risk" Teenager?
I am now going to enter the minds of two different children, based on my experiences with them in therapy. I will attempt to share what I perceive as their thoughts and feelings about their world.
Child #1: "If I can't do what they're asking of me, I'll do something else. Hey, look at that, it worked! They notice I exist! But will they understand my message? Do they know that I can't help myself, that I do this to survive because, if I don't, I will have no reason to exist? Do they sense my desperation?"
Child #2: "I'm scared to try what they're asking of me because, if I don't succeed - and I probably won't - I'll be a total failure. My teachers will get angry, my parents won't love me anymore, and I'll be all alone. It's hopeless. I don't care anymore. School is boring anyway."
Children have many reasons for behaving the way they do. If we could understand the messages communicated through their behavior, we would be able to help them understand themselves. Then, and only then, will they truly have the freedom to choose the way they want to live.
Child #1: "If I can't do what they're asking of me, I'll do something else. Hey, look at that, it worked! They notice I exist! But will they understand my message? Do they know that I can't help myself, that I do this to survive because, if I don't, I will have no reason to exist? Do they sense my desperation?"
Child #2: "I'm scared to try what they're asking of me because, if I don't succeed - and I probably won't - I'll be a total failure. My teachers will get angry, my parents won't love me anymore, and I'll be all alone. It's hopeless. I don't care anymore. School is boring anyway."
Children have many reasons for behaving the way they do. If we could understand the messages communicated through their behavior, we would be able to help them understand themselves. Then, and only then, will they truly have the freedom to choose the way they want to live.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
1:23 PM
6 Comments:
Dr.Spiegel..there are many reasons for a kid going off the derech and becoming what they call at risk. I hope when you see these children you will rule out that they don't have learning disabilities or ADHD. Especially girls. Half the at risk teens I know have undiagnosed learning disabilities. Thank you.
By
Anonymous, at Monday, February 11, 2008
You are 100% right! That is why I describe these children as trying their hardest but being blocked from succeeding by some unknown factor; e.g., a learning disability, neurological problem such as ADHD, or emotional issue.
I am often dismayed by the many years that pass before these children's problems are appropriately diagnosed. Too often they are tutored or treated without an accurate understanding of the underlying cause.
Thank you for your comment.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Monday, February 11, 2008
Is there anything that can be done about this? I would love it if you wrote an article for one of the Jewish Magazines, who seem to be writing about the at risk teenager in their recent issues.
By
Anonymous, at Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I've forwarded this blog entry to one of the Jewish magazines, in the form of a Letter to the Editor.
We'll see if it gets printed.
Thanks for your interest.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Tuesday, February 12, 2008
having a kid at risk is horrible for the parents and the family. Noone should ever know the loss and pain involved. Thank you for posting about them.
By
Anonymous, at Tuesday, February 19, 2008
You are welcome. I hope that more people will understand and empathize with - rather than criticize - the parents and the family.
By
Dr. Spiegel, at Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Post a Comment
<< Home