Blaming Parents
My entry into the world of psychology coincided with my passage from adolescence to adulthood. It was the perfect time to learn all the theories about why my parents were to blame for my problems, whatever they were.
The mental health profession naturally tries to identify the causes of children's problems. Although we may admit that biology/genes have their say in what emerges from the womb, we generally cite "environment" as having great influence.
It's true. Life impacts on parents, who in turn impact on their children.
As a child of a Holocaust survivor, I can attest to my mother's abnormal losses and suffering. I do not blame her for mistakes in parenting. But I wish that she had had the luxury that we have now, of having people - such as the grandparents and siblings that she lost - from whom she could learn.
Remember that the overwhelming majority of parents do not purposefully cause their children to suffer. Rather, children's suffering is often the side-effect of either (1) parents' lack of training and modeling, or (2) parents' own suffering.
When we stop blaming parents, they will turn to us more readily for guidance and information.
The mental health profession naturally tries to identify the causes of children's problems. Although we may admit that biology/genes have their say in what emerges from the womb, we generally cite "environment" as having great influence.
It's true. Life impacts on parents, who in turn impact on their children.
As a child of a Holocaust survivor, I can attest to my mother's abnormal losses and suffering. I do not blame her for mistakes in parenting. But I wish that she had had the luxury that we have now, of having people - such as the grandparents and siblings that she lost - from whom she could learn.
Remember that the overwhelming majority of parents do not purposefully cause their children to suffer. Rather, children's suffering is often the side-effect of either (1) parents' lack of training and modeling, or (2) parents' own suffering.
When we stop blaming parents, they will turn to us more readily for guidance and information.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
9:50 PM
2 Comments:
Years ago, I read this book about children of survivors (from the holocaust). It was amazing how I had so much in common with them, having holocaust survivor parents as well.
It is so sad what they went through, the things they saw and the people they lost. I don't know how they did it.
I think I stopped blaming my parents when I became a parent myself.
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, December 17, 2008
i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!
thanks so much!
By
Anonymous, at Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Post a Comment
<< Home