How to Support Unemployed Spouse

When my children were young, my husband was laid off from his job. I returned to work full-time while he stayed home with the baby.

It was a difficult time for both of us. Thank G-d, it lasted only a few months.

But those few months taught me some very important lessons, which I'll share with you now.

#1 = Listen empathically. Unemployment hits the male provider of the family hard. Although we have moved far from traditional gender roles in providing for the family, a man's self-esteem takes a deep dive when he loses his job. Even if his wife still has her job or if the family is managing economically to meet their needs, he will need extra TLC and support.

#2 = Maintain a positive outlook. Emphasize your spouse's skills and strengths. Express appreciation for his taking on additional responsibilities. Keep hope alive.

#3 = Attribute the crisis to external factors not internal, unchangeable ones; to circumstance, not individual weakness. Emphasize that his unemployment is temporary, not permanent.

#4 = Encourage your unemployed spouse to maintain a routine that includes self-care and leisure time. Don't give in to feelings of despair or depression. Help him reach out for support and keep up his social network, rather than withdraw into himself.

#5 = Remind your spouse that he is valued for who he is, not what he earns. Describe the other areas of his life which attest to his worth. List the people he knows, the family and friends who love and respect him.

#6 = Take time to replenish your own physical and psychological strength.

The skills we learn during difficult times can bring a couple closer together. These suggestions are the result of my experience with my spouse's unemployment. Please share yours.