OK for parents to sleep with their children?

Most new mothers don't hesitate to take their newborns to bed with them, especially if they are nursing. The practice, known as bed sharing, is especially common among nursing mothers.

Despite the concern about "rolling over" and "smothering" a baby, most nursing mothers find that their nighttime feedings are easier and more soothing for both mother and child. Indeed, a 2006 study of infants 5-27 weeks in the journal Pediatrics found that "bed-share infants without known risk factors for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) experience increased maternal touching and looking, increased breastfeeding, and faster and more frequent maternal responses" than crib-sleeping infants. Newborns, as most parents will tell you, benefit from the physical proximity to their mothers.

The question changes as the baby ages. The baby moves around more and inevitably disturbs the parent's sleep. Although parents may resort to bed-sharing when the child is sick or cranky, they also take the risk that the baby - accustomed to sleeping with the parents - will begin to resist sleeping in its own crib or bed. Putting the young child to bed becomes increasingly difficult and bedtime can become a nightmare. The parents may dread leaving the child with a babysitter and, at worst, may have neither time nor energy for intimate relations.

Finally, by the time a child enters school and is truly ready to separate from the parent, the latter may cling to the child. "Laying down" with a child becomes a quick bonding experience and more than one parent I know uses this bonding time to catch a quick nap.

The answer to the question of bed-sharing thus depends on the age of the child. At no time should a parent use this time to meet her own psychological or physical needs. If you maintain an appropriate boundary between yourself and your child, you will know when it's time to sleep without your child in your bed.