Why do some women want large families?

With the birth of octuplets in Southern California last month, the question of large families has become newsworthy.

Apart from the circumstances surrounding the birth of these children through fertility treatments to a woman who already had several children and could not afford more, the decision of many women to bear and raise a large number of children warrants discussion.

I will not attempt to enumerate what we mean by "large." The typical population replacement rate is approximately 2+ children. At a minimum, then, a large family would be one containing more than 2 or 3 children.

I have 5 children and more than that many grandchildren. Thank G-d, I have a large family.

Why did I want so many children? This question can be divided into two: 1)Was my desire a pathological "baby addiction" as some enlightened psychologists declare? 2) Was I "obsessed" with having another baby, clinging to the notion of having someone totally dependant on me and giving me unconditional love?

To answer the first question: Fulfilling an inborn need is not an addiction; otherwise, we would not eat and sleep when we felt it was needed. True, overeating or sleeping too much (or too little) are unhealthy behaviors that lead to negative consequences. However, unless one's mental or physical state indicates that one is unhealthy, the range of "normalcy" is quite large.

Similarly, what may be a "large" family to one person could be average to another. Thus, a family with five children may appear large to some people and average to others. The determinant is not the number but the health of the family.

We can make short shrift of the second question: If I wanted unconditional love, I would have bought a pet who would never grow up and leave me.

There are many positive reasons to have large families. See my Newsletter entitled Siblings are Forever to learn some of the benefits for children who grow up in these families.