Battle of the Body, Part 1: Toddlers

When her baby was little she was concerned that he didn't have bowel movements frequently enough. She used a rectal thermometer to trigger a movement. As he grew older, she worried that he wasn't eating well. So meals became prolonged affairs, with coaxing and feeding small bites as he played. Then came toilet-training. It seemed endless; he kept having accidents at nursery school and home. She used incentives, threats and much wheedling and discussion. He refused to go to the bathroom and 20 minutes later would have an accident. What was she to do?

Do you have an answer for this anxious mother? How can she avoid getting into battles with her son? Are her concerns reasonable or not? What would you do?

"Mom, I'm bored! I have nothing to do!"

Why do we fear boredom so much? Parents are now flooding the stores, trying to buy the latest technology that will give their children "something to do." Yet, without boredom, children do not develop their own inner resources to cope with frustration.

Furthermore, boredom can be an impetus to achievement. When children are bored, they might pick up a book, or crayon & paper, versus sitting and doing nothing. But if they always have entertainment as a means of filling in the vacuum, there's no reason to look for alternatives.

I recall that, as soon as my children became "bored", I gave them a job to do. I didn't find a game or other distraction, nor did I ignore their feelings. I took their boredom as a sign that they were ready for the next step, namely, responsibility and participation in the household.

This was my solution at the time. What is yours?

Parental Involvement in Teen Health

When a teenager has a problem, many therapists treat the child and tell the parents to "get lost." I believe that, as long as the child lives at home, parents have a responsibility and capability to help their child.

A NY Times article (11/26/06) entitled, "One Spoonful at a Time," validates my belief. The author's 14-year-old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia. After much research into treatment for this serious illness, the mother concluded that parental involvement (using the Maudsley approach) was crucial to her daughter's recovery.

Parents have the power of love that no one else has. With the support and guidance of professionals they can do wonders.

Are Fathers Important?

A reader made the following suggestion: "Instead of 'Helping Women and their Families' your subtitle ought to be 'Helping Parents and their Families.' Otherwise you demean the father's role in this setting, which is something you supposedly discourage."

Why are fathers questioning their importance? Have we women, in asserting ourselves, denigrated the role that our husbands play in the family?
If we have done so, then it's important that we take a step back and make a "course correction."

Alternatively, as the shape of the family has changed, it is possible that both men and women are developing new and more varied roles. As a result of this sea of change, we all may feel somewhat anxious as we chart new waters. The most important navigational tools will be effective communication and collaboration.