Madlyn Primoff's Moment of Madness

Catch the moment: I will be interviewed live this Sunday morning (4/26/09) on Fox News Channel, 7:30 am ET, on the Madlyn Primoff incident.

This mother stepped over the line and actually threw her daughters out of the car when the girls wouldn't stop fighting. How many of us parents have thought of doing the same?

Please watch the interview and share your thoughts.

Mother-in-Law Meddling

I just spent two weeks with my daughter, son-in-law and their two children. How we got along is the content of many books, movies and plays.

Before I arrived I heard that the kids were counting the days until my arrival.
"What about the parents?" I wondered. I decided not to ask them.

Then came the day of my arrival. My children's greeting was wonderful: "Hi, Mom! It's great to see you! We're so happy you came!" The grandchildren smiled shyly at first, then danced with me in joy.

It felt great to lend a hand, to play with the little ones and to watch the family in action. Eventually, however - given the extended period of my stay - I stepped out of the role of observer and became an actor in the play.

I put myself on stage.

One time, when the little ones were having a major meltdown, I asked my son-in-law, "Would you like some advice?" "No!" he responded curtly. I quickly retreated to my room and out of the line of fire.

Another time, I casually described some child-raising technique (a poorly disguised means of giving advice) and received polite, cold silence.

I had transgressed the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not give advice.

The critics in the audience were having a field day with my performance.

Why couldn't I stay on the sidelines? What pulled me into the fray?

I think of a salad I've finished making and I'm tasting it, deciding what ingredients, if any, should be added to the mix. Does it need more sugar? Or maybe a little salt or vinegar? What will make it just perfect?

I have a hard time leaving good enough alone.

But I'm happy that I stayed long enough to recognize that in the same way that one may step over the line, one can retreat; that having a relationship means one can say, "I'm sorry" and move on.

Next time I get together with my children and theirs, I hope I'll remember that I can sit back and enjoy the play. I'm no longer needed on stage.

Blame the Spouse

The easiest strategy for a therapist who listens to complaints about a marriage is to agree that it's the spouse's fault.

In a society that focuses on an individual's inaliable right to happiness, we assume that someone else is to blame if we're not happy.

So "he doesn't know how to express love," "she's always criticizing me," "he doesn't spend time with the children," and "she's constantly yelling at them." The list is endless when we begin to enumerate our partner's sins.

And if we do so to a supportive, empathic therapist, we will conveniently focus on the limits rather than the benefits of our marriage. The marital relationship becomes the albatross around one's neck and - choking with rage and pain - we become desperate to break free!

Ah, freedom. How wonderful that word sounds. The freedom to be me, unencumbered by responsibility towards my spouse or children. I can start all over again; look for someone better, more good-looking, finer and - of course - younger. Why shouldn't I leave? It's my life, isn't it?

Yes, how inviting it all sounds. Fulfillment and gratification without pain.

As long as you pay the therapy bill.