Memories of Hard Times

I remember my father sitting at his small desk with his head in his hands, staring down at the bills before him. How would he pay them?

Money was tight during most of my childhood. My parents, owners of a small retail store (see A Personal Story), lived with the uncertainty of not knowing how much of their inventory would be sold on any one day.

As a child growing up in these circumstances, I sensed my parents' worries and felt bad for them. Yet they were always there for me; they somehow managed to meet my needs - food, clothes, school books and love.

I did not feel deprived. I did not care whether my "new" clothes came from a store or a bag of lovely hand-me-downs from well-to-do relatives. I enjoyed the home-cooked meals and did not wish to eat at a restaurant. I did not need to own the latest gadget; I had my siblings to play with. Watching television and reading library books were my refuge from the sometimes harsh reality.

We lived in an apartment that had four rooms besides the kitchen and one bathroom. The rooms were transformed according to the needs of the family; the dining room became our living room, a child's bedroom was used for a boarder. I remember the kitchen above all. I don't recall its size, but imagine it to be about 9x12 feet - the size of my laundry room today.

On one side of the kitchen was the table, surrounded by six chairs, squeezed tightly into the space between the wall and the washing machine and sink. On the other side was the stove, refrigerator, and two counters topped by cabinets. The kitchen was the warmest place in the house, filled with the noise of a lively family. I can still picture my mother standing at the sink washing dishes and my father at the stove, wearing an apron, cooking eggs for breakfast.

Above all, I remember the songs. We sang throughout our Sabbath meals, often in harmony, bringing home tunes from school or various social events. In between the songs we talked, teased, fought and had a great time. We siblings remain close even now. We always knew that, in a pinch, we were there for each other.

Hard times taught us to count on family. That's not a bad lesson to learn.

How Well Did You Sleep Last Night?

Second-hand sleep problems are like second-hand smoke. If you have someone in the family with a sleep disorder your health will suffer, too.

Spouses of men or women who snore can attest to their own impaired sleep. The noise can become so loud that they're tempted to sleep in separate bedrooms!

Furthermore, the snoring adult - in addition to the misery that he or she is causing - is not getting good quality sleep. The snorer may awaken often during the night or have intermittent episodes of not breathing - signs of sleep apnea. He is plagued by daytime sleepiness. He may have trouble concentrating on work or, when in the driver's seat, on the road.

Our technologically sophisticated world has affected our internal as well as external physical environment; we are toying with our natural bodily rhythm. We ingest Vitamin D to compensate from lack of exposure to sunlight and we pump our bodies with caffeine in order to function with minimal sleep. We forget that there are consequences to messing with G-d's creation. Sleep is essential to humanity. (Think of what would have been lost if Adam had not had a good night's sleep!)

As every parent knows, children (and some adults) misbehave when under physical stress; e.g., when they're hungry. That's why the coming-home-from-school time is often the most stressful part of the day for parents. It's a race to see if you can give the child something to eat before your head gets blown off! Parents can give their kids supper as soon as the latter walk in the door, as early as 3:30 or 4:00 pm for the little ones. Then they can have a snack later if necessary, when they're too tired to eat a full meal.

Similarly, one cannot underestimate the importance of good sleep hygiene. Both children and their parents need a good night's sleep. Setting a bedtime routine and deciding how to handle middle-of-the-night awakenings are important components of sleep hygiene.

The importance of sleep was brought home to me by a recent segment by NPR Radio on the impact of poor sleep on a child's behavior. I had forgotten that children, too, can suffer from sleep apnea. And when they do, their impaired sleep may result in irritability, impulsiveness, aggressive behavior and attention problems. We may think that their poor school achievement is caused by a learning disability or ADHD when, in fact, they are suffering from a sleep disorder.

Sleep apnea manifests itself differently in adults and children. While children don't drive and adults don't go to school, they both - along with the rest of the family - suffer the consequences of a poor night's sleep.

Good night!

How Can You Plant the Seeds of Success?

So many problems are preventable and so much of our future success in life stems from the seeds that we plant now.

For example, a recent study at the University of Illinois has shown that secure mother-child attachments predict good friendships. Dr. McElwain, the lead researcher of the study, found that “in a secure, emotionally open mother-child relationship, children develop a more positive, less biased understanding of others, which then promotes more positive friendships during the early school years.”

Do you want to take action, or will you wait and see until the time comes when you look back at “what might have been?”

Follow your heart and get the support you need. Take this opportunity to hear up-to-date information about parenting and life transitions within the safety of a group of like-minded women.

Join 4M! 4M = Mona’s Monday Meetings for Mothers

4M Coaching Groups are low-cost and highly effective. In addition - because these groups take place over the telephone - they provide a unique opportunity for women in geographically diverse locations to “meet” and support each other.

Group 1: Managing Preschoolers
Group 2: Mothering Children & Teens
Group 3: Maximizing Your Midlife Years


All groups begin on Monday, April 27th and are limited in size.
Day and evening sessions are available.
You must register by emailing Dr. Spiegel or calling her at 845-425-4842.

Early-bird discount ends Friday, April 3rd!

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P.S. While you are considering whether to join, read a few testimonials from previous participants in 4M:

I learned a lot of practical tips from the coaching group. It was informative, interactive and non-judgmental.

The "phone class" was really great! In her friendly & easygoing manner, Dr. Spiegel guides & raises awareness on the many issues/situations that arise daily, & offers valuable advice. The class was really beneficial!

I truly enjoyed the 4M group. I was able to get excellent information about my child's development and also learned so much from the other women in the group. When you hear about someone else's challenges and accomplishments it makes you realize how normal your own struggles are. Dr. Spiegel has a special combination of warmth and caring along with clear objectivity that we all need in order to grow and improve.

Do You Remember Barbie?

I do. I remember taking her out of her sky-blue Barbie case, dressing her up and then putting her carefully back into her compartment. The case was divided into three compartments; one for Barbie, a second for her shoes and accessories, and a third large one for her clothes, which had tiny hangers and a hook to hang them.

How I loved dressing up Barbie, time and time again! I didn't think about what she represented - an idealized image of a woman's body - but enjoyed pretending that she was the belle of the ball. Barbie, together with her literary sisters - Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty - were the beautiful maidens destined to be rescued by the most handsome man in the room.

March 9th is the 50th anniversary of the Barbie doll. Her creator, Ruth Handler, was inspired by a German doll that was originally meant for adults and then popular with children. Ms. Handler noticed that her daughter, Barbara, enjoyed playing with paper dolls and asked for a prototype that would satisfy a girl's wish to play "woman."

As women have progressed, so has Barbie. Her thin-waisted figure, perfect for the full-skirted outfits of the time, was modified slightly to conform to more modern dress. She has worn the outfits of many occupations that at the time of her creation were closed to women.

But many women today do not want their girls fantasying about being another Barbie. They want their daughters to be comfortable within their own bodies and not seek approval based on the thinness of their waists.

Then why do we continue to dress grown-up models in Barbie-like outfits? Why does being a woman mean either (a) parading around in designer outfits, made up of high cut skirts and low-cut bodices; or (b) its counterpart, head-to-toe hijabs and other forms of sack-dresses?

Why do we women continue to fall for a male definition of whom and what we should or should not be?

It's ironic that Barbie was inspired by an adult toy. So much of the adult world, especially its sexuality, has trickled down and invaded our children's world. When I shop today for my granddaughters I am appalled by the off-the-shoulder tops in size 4T and the low-cut jeans in size 6.

What I used to have in my dress-up box is now de rigueur for little girls.

It is no wonder that girls' self-esteem declines by the time they've reached their pre-teen years, just when they've stopped playing with Barbie.