New Blog

Introducing my companion to the My Family Coach blog: The new Jewish Kids Coach blog. I will BEH have a Jewish Kids Coach website but, in the interim, children and teens can post their questions and concerns on this blog.

I'm very excited about the blog. It will give children a safe place to express their feelings and, in turn, feel understood and helped by someone who is guided by Torah principles.

Please tell your children, their friends and parents about this blog. They will be able to access it shortly from the My Family Coach website.

Anonymous postings are welcome.

With the hope and prayer that Hashem will bless this undertaking,
Mona

Imperfect Parenting

None of us is perfect. That's axiomatic. Therefore, we cannot expect to be perfect parents. So why do we aim for 100% all the time? Why do we fault ourselves and accept others' judgment about a job that is inherently fraught with difficulties?

We are constantly besieged by the model of the perfect mother. A recent book called "The Holy Woman" describes a woman who, through tememdous effort, works on herself to become the apparently perfect wife and mother. She seems to sacrifice all of her needs in the service of her husband and her adopted children (Unfortunately, she was childless). She epitomizes the idealized woman who sublimates her desires in the service of others. Above all, as the author reiterates numerous times, she presents as a happy person. How did she achieve such happiness, given all of her sacrifices?

Possibly by not dwelling on her mistakes, but rather accepting who she was and committing herself to work on herself further.

Most of us cannot reach such heights of spirituality through self-sacrifice. Instead we would end up feeling resentful and angry. We'd burden others with our unsatisfied needs because we hadn't learned how to take care of ourselves. So I don't recommend self-sacrifice as a modus vivendi for women.

On the other hand, accepting ourselves, recognizing our mistakes as part of the learning rather than as sins to be absolved, is a worthwhile goal. In fact, we become better role models because we make mistakes not in spite of it.

The imperfect mother is a better role model than the perfect one. Can you accept that?

Saying good-bye

I sent off my daughter and her family yesterday to live for the next three years in Australia. Wow! I can hardly believe that they've actually left. We spoke about it so often in the past few months and, as the time approached, I felt like I was missing her already.

How does one say, "Good-bye?" As my daughter said repeatedly, "Don't worry. We'll be back for the holidays (at least once annually)." But the promise of "coming back" somehow doesn't ameliorate the pain of leave-taking.

What did make a difference for me was the few moments that my daughter and I took to reaffirm our relationship. There, at the airport, I turned to her and said, "I'm very proud of you." She, in turn, repeated the phrase, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I answered, "I just gave you the courage; you are doing the rest yourself."

These few moments of mutual love and appreciation cemented our bond. I know that we will think of each other often and that we'll continue to communicate, wherever we may be. Our tears, as we each turned away, were full of pride and joy.