Touch

She carefully, fondly cleaned behind his ears and down his back while he stood perfectly still, enjoying his mother's touch. Both of them sensed the specialness of the moment, its brevity as well as its beauty. There was so much love between them.

Then he grew impatient, his youthfulness reasserting itself, and the moment was gone.

The little deer shook his head and bounded away, while the doe watched him go.

Touch is the most basic expression of love among humans as well as other species. Newborn children need to be touched to grow and gain weight. When deprived of this basic need they fail to thrive, experiencing the eponymous syndrome. Infants at risk range from those raised in orphanages or neglectful, abusive homes to premature hospitalized babies.

We forget, as our children grow older, how often we used to touch them. We may not realize that just as they enjoyed being touched, we enjoyed touching them. It signified closeness, caring and connection.

Touch, however, can be easily warped by those who misconstrue its meaning. Rather than convey love it becomes a means of possession and power. Because of the plethora of abuse in society we are compelled to refrain from touching children outside our immediate families, such as young neighbors or students.

Yet the desire for physical closeness and its concomitant benefits do not wane; touch benefits adults as well as children. It has been found to lessen pain, improve pulmonary function, reduce stress hormones and lower blood glucose.*

So continue to touch your children to the degree they allow. If your teenagers balk at being hugged and react like a porcupine when you attempt to do so, back off and give them space. A touch on the shoulder at this age can have the power of a full-blown embrace of a younger child.

As you move on to more verbal means of communication, remember the power of the physical. Touching an adult's arm to show support can express more sympathy than anything you could say.

Also, don't forget the elderly person in your life. Senior citizens, who often live alone, receive the least amount of touching than any other age group. Touching an elderly parent, especially one with Alzheimer's, can facilitate communication. When I hug my mother or hold her hand, for example, she smiles and I know we've connected. Maybe through my touch I've given her an extra moment of life.

Finally, if you're lucky you'll be blessed with grandchildren. Then you'll have a chance to touch a young'un all over again. Enjoy it while it lasts!


*See Importance of Human Touch.

Reading: Pleasure or Pain?

My brothers used to hide their comic books. Under the mattress, in the closet, among their school books - I would find these hidden treasures, surreptitiously scan them and quickly return them to their secret lair.

Oh how I loved to read!

As my pulse raced with excitement and my throat tightened with fear that I might be found out, I read whatever I could find. I didn't understand all the words but the pictures helped. My brothers had hundreds of comics - Archie and Veronica, Superman, Batman, to name a few - all gone now. These characters introduced me to reading.

And how I loved to read!

I soon graduated to reading the Hardy Boys and Tom Swift, books in which the action engendered pictures in my mind. I no longer needed pictures on the page. I had entered the world of imagination.

I still love to read.

There is so much concern nowadays about our children's reading ability. Are they reading on grade level? Are they reading fast enough? Do they comprehend the text? Is the material sufficiently complex? Maybe they need more practice, more teaching, more homework!

This anxiety has seeped down to the preschool level. As depicted in a recent NY Times article, "Parents have begun pressing their kindergartners and first graders to leave the picture book behind and move on to more text-heavy chapter books. Publishers cite pressures from parents who are mindful of increasingly rigorous standardized testing in schools."

The message that little kids hear, ‘You can do better than this, you can do more than this,’ immediately sets off alarm bells: Reading is work. It is no longer fun. I can't proceed at my own pace because that might not be good enough. If I don't understand what I'm reading then I must be dumb because Mommy/Daddy expects me to do more.

Reading has become, for many children, an activity to be avoided.

One of the most cited outcomes of the publication of the Harry Potter books is that children became excited once again about reading. When did they lose this excitement? What steers them away from children's literature?

Reading competes with the most advanced technology available to capture our children's attention. If we want them to open a book and turn away from the computer or set aside their phones/ipads, we'll need to re-introduce them to Wonderland. It's time to line their shelves with books of their choosing, step out of their way and allow them to find their own Yellow Brick Road.