The Ups and Downs of Perfectionism

It's time to recognize the upside of perfectionism.

We often use the word "perfectionist" to connote someone who wants everything done perfectly and is very demanding and critical of others. The perfectionist is viewed as uncompromising, even obsessive, and may have difficulty with interpersonal relationships as a result.

Yet perfectionists are often very intelligent, idealistic people. Their perfectionism stems from their high expectations of themselves. Not realizing that they are above the norm, they assume that everyone can reach the heights to which they aspire. If they would recognize how unusual they are and be more forgiving of themselves, they could do the same for others.

Perfectionists (and I do not mean those who are truly obsessive-compulsive) have innate abilities which they are not using in a positive way. By understanding themselves, they will be able to celebrate their strengths and work on their weaknesses.

They will learn to take pride in their best, imperfect selves.

A Friend in Need

I know a teenager that writes to her friend every day. A letter, a postcard or a note goes to wherever her friend might be. She doesn't know if her friend receives it, but she writes to convey her interest and her ongoing support.

One day she received a phone call: "Thank you for all of your letters. I didn't get them all, but I know that you've been sending them. Thank you for caring and writing to me."

We are often wary of reaching out to someone else. Maybe they won't like our gesture and maybe we'll feel embarrassed. Yes, it is a risk. But the possibility of connection is so much greater than rejection, that it's worth the gamble. And there is much to gain, not only for the other person but for oneself as well. One attains a deep feeling of satisfaction from doing a kind deed.

Even more to the point: How many times do we think about someone but not lift the phone or pick up a pen to write to them? It seemingly takes much effort to stop our hectic running around (whether physical or mental) and put kindness into action. Have our lives become so fast paced (and leading to where?) that we cannot take time for an extra word or two for someone who needs it?

Indeed, how much expenditure of time or energy does it really take to set aside a few moments to connect? What it really takes is a conscious decision on our part to stop and think. The danger of running is that we may forget how to walk.