What Makes a Good Parent?
A friend of mine who teaches swimming invited me to her pool this summer. I asked her to observe me swim and suggest ways to improve my strokes. She watched for awhile and tried hard to correct my technique. It didn't work. I'd swim briefly the new way and then revert to my habitual style.
Driving is another important life skill. I learned to drive the usual way; I memorized the driver's manual, passed the written test and received a permit to drive. The information I gained served a very limited purpose; it enabled me to get on the road but it did not teach me how to drive. In fact, research has shown that Driver's Education courses do not lower the rate of accidents for young drivers. What does improve safety, experts say, is experience -many hours of behind-the-wheel practice with a parent in the passenger seat.
Ironically, one becomes a parent without supervised practice, a requisite body of knowledge or a license. The experience of parenting does help - the third child is often easier to parent than the first - but how many of us know what we’re doing?
Unlike the beginning swimmer or driver, we jump into parenting armed only with our childhood memories.
A few adults grew up with excellent role models and assume the parenting role with confidence. But the majority of us need supplemental education and support to improve our parenting skills. Unfortunately, to return to the swimming analogy, we're often immersed so deeply in the pool of life that we're using all our energies to stay afloat.
The sooner we recognize the weaknesses of our approach the more successful we'll be in correcting them. Thus we need to 1) take responsibility for our continuing education and 2) recognize that the goal is not perfection but growth.
Learning is a lifelong endeavor; so is parenting.
A good parent is a parent in motion; one who enjoys the moment yet recognizes that the future is right around the bend and she needs to prepare for it. Understanding the road signs will help prevent one from steering off the road completely. But every parent like every driver makes mistakes, especially if the road is winding or steep. Mistakes are the sine qua non of learning.
Good parenting depends on constant movement up a slope whose angle reflects the degree to which one seeks information, tries it out, and learns what works and what doesn't.Too many parents choose to remain on level ground; they maintain ways of parenting that are inappropriate or even harmful to their children.
It is never too late to start moving; the earlier the better.
You can choose to become an active learner rather than passive carrier of your upbringing, to forge a new path rather than trudge along the one you’ve known all your life.
Then you will end your parenting years looking down at what you’ve accomplished rather than up at what you could have done.
Driving is another important life skill. I learned to drive the usual way; I memorized the driver's manual, passed the written test and received a permit to drive. The information I gained served a very limited purpose; it enabled me to get on the road but it did not teach me how to drive. In fact, research has shown that Driver's Education courses do not lower the rate of accidents for young drivers. What does improve safety, experts say, is experience -many hours of behind-the-wheel practice with a parent in the passenger seat.
Ironically, one becomes a parent without supervised practice, a requisite body of knowledge or a license. The experience of parenting does help - the third child is often easier to parent than the first - but how many of us know what we’re doing?
Unlike the beginning swimmer or driver, we jump into parenting armed only with our childhood memories.
A few adults grew up with excellent role models and assume the parenting role with confidence. But the majority of us need supplemental education and support to improve our parenting skills. Unfortunately, to return to the swimming analogy, we're often immersed so deeply in the pool of life that we're using all our energies to stay afloat.
The sooner we recognize the weaknesses of our approach the more successful we'll be in correcting them. Thus we need to 1) take responsibility for our continuing education and 2) recognize that the goal is not perfection but growth.
Learning is a lifelong endeavor; so is parenting.
A good parent is a parent in motion; one who enjoys the moment yet recognizes that the future is right around the bend and she needs to prepare for it. Understanding the road signs will help prevent one from steering off the road completely. But every parent like every driver makes mistakes, especially if the road is winding or steep. Mistakes are the sine qua non of learning.
Good parenting depends on constant movement up a slope whose angle reflects the degree to which one seeks information, tries it out, and learns what works and what doesn't.Too many parents choose to remain on level ground; they maintain ways of parenting that are inappropriate or even harmful to their children.
It is never too late to start moving; the earlier the better.
You can choose to become an active learner rather than passive carrier of your upbringing, to forge a new path rather than trudge along the one you’ve known all your life.
Then you will end your parenting years looking down at what you’ve accomplished rather than up at what you could have done.
posted by Dr. Spiegel at
1:17 PM
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