Letting Go

How can we defy aging? Paradoxically, by accepting it. Those elders who age well are specifically the ones who do not deny its costs.

For example, the elderly widow has a choice: She can lament her aloneness, or reach out to others. She can rail against death, or express gratitude for the years of togetherness with her deceased husband.

A more difficult, but still similar loss is that experienced by bereaved parents of a child killed by illness or war. They can turn bitter and withdrawn, or memorialize their child through giving to others.

Loss is extremely painful. Human loss is excruciating. It takes strength and courage to transform one's loss into compassion.

In the Muck

She's sobbing as she describes her past. She feels wounded and can't let go of the pain. She was abused as a youngster, when she was most vulnerable and helpless.

Now the memory and the pain are intertwined. They are a layer of dirt which she has valiantly tried to remove... by any means. It hasn't worked.

When she looks in the mirror she sees an ugly woman covered with grime, hiding the beauty underneath.

I'm reminded of a sign I once saw posted in front of a farmhouse. Fertilizer for Sale, it read. "That's funny," I thought, "almost laughable." Who would want to buy smelly horse manure?

My gardener is someone who buys the muck. He uses it to fertilize the plants in front of my house. I avoid smelling the stuff by closing all the windows. But he uses it to grow beautiful
shrubbery.

He's using the refuse from one species to create new life in another.

So, too, I hope that this woman will use the detritus of her past to create new life. Fueled by her emotions and innate will to live, supported by loving hands and a warm heart, she can bring out the loveliness in her and make the world a more beautiful place.